The McKinley High Closet Case Alliance
by GeniaTheParadox
Summary: Davetana friendship, with insane amounts of unrequited Kurtofsky and Brittana. Because Dave and Santana understand each other.
1. Chapter 1

Davetana may sound totally random, but let me explain.

Firstly, this isn't really a romance. It's a friendship.  
I kind of figured that Dave and Santana would get each other better than anyone else, because their situations are so similar.  
So here we are.  
Don't knock it until you've tried it.

Anyways, reviews would be just peachy :)

And, as usual, I don't own anything blah blah blah.

* * *

**The McKinley High Closet Case Alliance **

"Karofsky?"

Dave looked up, startled, and quickly wiped his face with the back of his hand.

"What the hell to you want, Hopez?"

Santana narrowed her eyes and folded her arms.

"I heard a weird noise coming from in here," she said, sounding bored. "Kind of like someone crying. So I came to investigate because I'm in no rush to go home. And I end up walking in on you curled up on the floor and sobbing like a girl."

Dave frowned and looked at the floor, unconsciously rubbing his eyes again.

"Go away," he muttered.

"Or what?" Santana scoffed. "You're going to make me transfer to a different school?"

"Just... just leave me alone," Dave whispered, feeling choked up again.

Santana looked at him suspiciously. "I only want to know why you're sitting alone in the guys' locker room, weeping over a wedding cake topper. Sorry if that seems insensitive."

Dave quickly put the cake topper back in his jacket pocket. "It _is_ kind of insensitive, actually."

Santana just shrugged and sat down on the bench opposite Dave, flipping her dark hair out of her face.

"I'm not a very sensitive person," she said, crossing her legs and inspecting her fingernails. "So are you going to tell me what's up with you now?"

"No," said Dave, glaring at her.

"Oh, come on," she insisted.

"No."

"Spill, Karofsky."

"_No_."

"I won't tell anyone."

Dave snorted. "Yeah right. You're a total gossip. It'll be all over school by tomorrow."

"True," she said nonchalantly. "But I don't actually give a shit about your life or your feelings or whatever, Porky, so you may as well just say it. I probably won't remember it anyway."

Dave didn't say anything. He just carried on staring miserably at the floor. Santana huffed and rolled her eyes.

"Come on," she said, trying her best to sound nicer. "It might make you feel better."

"No, it won't," Dave said gruffly. "And you wouldn't get it anyway."

"Try me," she said. "I'll tell you my problems if you tell me yours. Who knows? We might actually be able to help each other out."

"Please," he scoffed bitterly. "Like any of your dumb little problems are as bad as mine. You're not living a freaking lie, you didn't make the love of your life transfer..."

He'd been grumbling more to himself, but abruptly stopped talking when he realised what he'd said. Santana's eyes got wider and she stared at him in complete shock.

"Oh my God," she gasped. "You don't mean...? You're... you're talking about Kurt, aren't you?"

Dave didn't say anything, but he didn't really need to. The look on his face said it all. Suddenly Santana burst out laughing, and only stopped when she noticed the filthy look Dave was giving her.

"It's not funny," he said seriously.

"It's kind of funny," she giggled.

"Shut it, Hopez!" Dave cried angrily. "It's not funny, it's fucking terrible!"

"Okay, okay, calm down, Porky," she said, smirking still. "I'm sure it's not _that_ bad."

Dave gave her a meaningful look.

"Alright, maybe _is_ that bad," Santana said. "I just think it's ironic, that's all. The big homophobic bully, in love with the guy he was bullying for being gay. You can't blame me for laughing."

Dave just shook his head and gave her a dirty look. "Y'know you're really not helping, Hopez. I shouldn't have said anything to you. You're just going to make fun of me. Or threaten to tell everyone."

"Actually, I'm not," she said. "Although both those options do sound like fun... but no. I'm going to be nice for change. Because I get it."

"What?" Dave said incredulously.

"I understand where you're coming from," she said with a shrug.

"No, you don't," he scoffed. "How can you possibly get this?"

"I'm just going to throw a couple of examples in the air," she said, feeling a little exasperated. "I'm guessing that whatever feelings you have for Kurt scared the crap out of you, so rather than try and deal with it you did the opposite. You tried to act normal and just like everyone else. And none of the other jocks liked Kurt and they all treated him like shit, so you did too just so you could fit in, and inadvertently made the love of your life hate your guts and move to a different school. Am I right?"

Dave looked at Santana with almost comically wide eyes. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. It was like she was inside his head or something.

"How did you know that?" he said quietly.

She shrugged and frowned a little. "Like a said. I get it. Although I don't get the whole wedding cake topper thing."

Dave sighed and took the cake topper out of his pocket again, holding it as delicately as if it was made of particularly fragile glass.

"I stole it from Kurt," he said, feeling a little ashamed.

"You mean right before he got you suspended and he left McKinley?" said Santana, narrowing her eyes. "You know, I heard that apparently you could've been kicked out of this place permanently because you threatened to kill him for some reason."

"I didn't mean it!" Dave cried. "I was just scared. I didn't want him to tell anyone."

"Tell anyone what exactly?"

Dave hesitated. "Tell anyone that... that I... I kissed him."

It was the first time he'd ever admitted that out loud. Santana raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"You kissed him?" she said disbelievingly. "When did this happen?"

"A couple weeks before he left," said Dave, his insides squirming as he recalled it. "We were fighting in here because I shoved him into a locker and I guess it just finally pushed him over the edge. He was yelling all this stuff at me, like that I couldn't punch the gay out of him and I was just a scared little boy and stuff. And then... I don't even know why I did it. I think I was just caught up in the moment or something. But I kissed him. And I don't think I've ever seen him look so terrified. And then Kurt brought this guy to talk to me. Some guy from Dalton, I guess they were friends. He was telling me that he wanted to help and that I wasn't alone. I probably should've listened to him, but I didn't want to hear it. It would be like admitting something had happened, and I just wanted to forget it. But I can't."

"I know which guy you're talking about actually," said Santana. "His name's Blaine... something. He's in a rival Glee Club, and I heard him and Kurt are actually dating now."

"Of course they are..." he said bitterly.

"I don't get what you're so bummed about. You never had a shot with him anyway."

Dave glared at Santana. "Wow, thanks. You're really good a cheering people up. I feel so much better."

Santana shrugged. "I'm just being honest. I mean, you only really have yourself to blame. If you hadn't been such an asshole, Kurt wouldn't have transferred to Dalton, and he wouldn't be making out with that smoking hot Blaine guy right now. If you'd just been open and honest in the first place then you wouldn't be the bad guy in all this. Trust me, there are some things that you really shouldn't leave until the last minute to say."

She looked sadly at the floor, and Dave gave her a questioning look.

"So what are your problems then?" he asked.

She looked up, startled, and then glowered at him. "I don't talk about feelings and emotions and all that crap."

"You made me tell you everything. And you said you'd tell me your problems if I told you mine." He smiled at her encouragingly. "Come on, it might make you feel better. I just want to know why you get what I'm going through so much."

Santana sighed. "I get it because... I'm going through it too. Sort of."

Dave didn't say anything. He just looked at her expectantly as she bit her lip.

"I'm in love with my best friend," she whispered.

"You mean Brittany?" said Dave. "Dumb Brittany?"

Santana nodded.

"But isn't she dating that wheelchair kid?"

Santana nodded again, frowning bitterly.

"The crazy thing is that she loves me too," she said quietly. "She probably has for a while. We've been hooking up for ages but I always acted like it wasn't serious. It's just a bit of fun. Sex isn't dating. We're not cheating on our boyfriends because the plumbing's different. I'd never let her talk about feelings and stuff because it all just scared the hell out of me. I think that's why she's so into Artie. They _talk_ about stuff. So when I finally just _said_ it... she wouldn't break up with him. She loves me and she knows how much I need her, but... I left it too late and... and now everything's just fucked up..."

Santana started to cry before she could stop herself. Dave scrambled off the floor and sat on the bench next to her, wrapping a comforting arm around her.

"Hey, it's okay," he said soothingly as she sobbed. He rubbed her back and let her cry for a while.

"Maybe things would be better if I was braver," she whispered, wiping the tears off her face. "I would have told her how I felt straight away if... if it wasn't for the fear. Because how know exactly how I'd get treated in this stupid school if everyone knew I had feelings for a girl."

"Same," said Dave sadly. "I try to act like this big, tough guy, but I'm terrified on the inside. Everything's so set in stone in this place. Try to be different – try to be yourself – and you either get dragged back down or treated like shit. I don't blame Kurt for getting out of here. I mean, I feel like a total bastard for making him leave, but I'd run away from here too if I could. If everything was different here... who knows? You and Brittany would totally be together, that's for sure."

Santana smiled – genuinely smiled – even though there were still tears in her eyes.

"You and Kurt might have gotten together too," she said. "If things were different. Underneath that bullying jackass facade, you're actually quite a nice person."

Dave chuckled, holding her tighter. "Thanks. Underneath that snarky bitch facade, you quite a nice person too."

The both laughed a little. Santana rested her head on Dave's shoulder and they held each other for a while in a comfortable silence.

"There's an unhealthy amount of pathetic going on in this room right now," Santana suddenly said. "But it's nice to know I'm not completely alone on this planet. Thanks, Porky."

"You're welcome," said Dave. "But can you stop calling me that? I thought we were cool now."

Santana lifted her head off Dave's shoulder and smiled at him. "Sure thing, closet case."

He smiled back at her. "Thanks, lesbo."

They looked at each other for a while, right into each other's eyes, before Santana pulled Dave into a soft kiss. It only lasted a few seconds, but when they separated they both had slightly disappointed frowns on their faces.

"Still gay?" asked Santana.

"Yeah," Dave nodded.

"Me too," she sighed.

"Maybe we should just be friends."

"I can't really be just friends with someone I've already kissed. Will you settle for being each other's beard?"

"I could live with that."

They both stood up, wiping their eyes and trying to compose themselves. Neither wanted to look as if they'd just been crying.

"I think we should keep this little pity party to ourselves," said Santana.

"Yeah," said Dave. "What happened in here should just... stay in here."

"Good," Santana smiled. "Because I'm about to hug you now and I'm pretty sure the whole Glee Club would stop talking to me if they knew I did this willingly."

They both laughed, before pulling each other into a long, tight hug. The next day Dave was walking down the hall with Azimio when he saw Santana walking towards him. She caught his eye and they smirked at each other.

"Hey, Porky," she said as she walked past him.

"Sup, Hopez," he replied.

He looked over his shoulder to see her turn, blow him a kiss and wink at him before walking away, and he couldn't help but chuckle to himself. Azimio looked understandably confused.

"Are y'all like,_ together_ now or somethin'?" he said.

Dave shrugged. "Something like that."

* * *

Hope you enjoyed, Humble Readers :)  
Chuck some reviews at me if you did. Or even if you didn't. Whatever.

xxx


	2. Chapter 2

Amusingly, I wasn't planning on continuing this fic.  
But then again I never plan on continuing any of my one shots, and then they turn into big multi-chapter fics by accident.

But anyway, this one doesn't have so much Kurtofsky in it, but it has lots of Brittana so it's all good :)

Reviews would be just dandy.

And I still don't own Glee. Shame, really.

* * *

**The McKinley High Closet Case Alliance Part Two**

Santana strutted down the hall, stopping in front of Dave, who was putting books into his locker.

"Hey, Karofsky," she said with a smirk. "So FYI, pretty much everyone thinks we're dating now. Or they at least think we're fooling around or whatever. The patchy, incomplete news travelled fast."

"Great," said Dave without looking at her. "Way to repress our sexuality."

"I was thinking maybe we should start making out in public," she said, leaning against the locker and folding her arms, her smirk getting wider.

Dave scoffed. "We don't even make out in private. You know it doesn't actually do anything for me, right?"

"Yeah, I know," she shrugged. "The feeling's mutual. But if we're going to do this whole beard thing, we might as well do it properly."

Dave shut his locker and looked at Santana. She pouted and made her eyes look all big and innocent.

"Come on, Davey-bear," she said in a babyish voice."Aren't you gonna give your fake girlfwend a lil' kissy-wiss?"

"Please don't ever talk like that ever again," he said seriously.

"I will if you give me a lil' kissy-wiss."

Dave sighed and rolled his eyes. Santana got up on her tip toes so that Dave could give her a quick kiss on the lips. Once they separated the satisfied smirk was back on Santana's face.

"Thanks, Davey-bear."

"Don't call me that."

"If you want you can call me a cutesy nickname too."

Dave chuckled. "I think I'll stick with Hopez, thanks."

"That's no way to treat your fake girlfriend, sweetie."

The bell rang before Dave could think of a comeback.

"I've got to go to class," he said, swinging his bag over his shoulder.

Before he could walk away Santana took held of his hand to pull him back.

"Want to hang out after school?" she asked. "You can come over to my house. We can talk and stuff."

"Talk and stuff?" he said with an arched eyebrow. "By that do you mean watch movies and complain about how much our lives suck?"

"Obviously."

"Cool, I'll see you after school."

Santana pulled Dave towards her and kissed him again.

"See ya, fake boyfriend."

"Later, fake girlfriend."

Santana was expected to get a lot of crap from the Glee Club once her 'relationship' with Dave got out, and she was hoping to just get it over and done with. So when she saw Sam walking up to her in the library she was totally ready for what was sure to be a messy break up.

"Hi, Sam," she said pleasantly.

"What's this I hear about you dating Karofsky?" he said with an ugly frown.

"Dating is a strong word, honey," she said. "I prefer the phrase 'fooling around with.'"

"What the hell, Santana?" he said angrily. The librarian shushed him.

Santana just shrugged and continued pretending to study. Sam threw himself down on the chair next to her.

"What about me?" he said in an angry whisper. "What about _us_? The least you could do is break up with me before you start making out with some other guy in the middle of the hallway. And _Karofsky_? What the actual fuck?"

The librarian disapprovingly shushed him again.

Santana rolled her eyes. "It's complicated, Sammy. Don't you worry your pretty, bleach-blonde head about it."

"Stop talking to me like I'm stupid," he said irritably. "Just explain to me why you've been cheating on me with that homophobic asshole. I mean, why would you even want to go near the jackass that makes our lives hell and made Kurt move school?"

Santana huffed and looked up from the notebook she was doodling in.

"What I'm about to say you can go tell the rest of the Glee Club, because I really don't have the energy to repeat myself. Now just... think about it. With me and Karofsky fooling around do you honest think he's going to carry on giving the Glee Club hell? He's practically on our side now, there hasn't been a slushie attack in ages and he's actually quite a nice guy. Also he's a way better kisser than you. Seriously, like every time you and I made out I was afraid that guppy mouth of yours might suck my face right off my skull. I wouldn't have minded so much if you actually put out. I mean, seriously, why would you turn me down? Yet another thing he's better at. I have needs. Me and Dave understand each other."

Sam glared at Santana, looking as if he was using every bit of strength he had not to start crying or throwing stuff. Before he stormed out of the library he said only one thing to her.

"You're a real bitch, do you know that?"

"So I've been told..." she whispered as Sam walked away.

Santana was at her locker after the angry comments and death-glares of Glee rehearsals. She knew she wasn't going to hear the end of it, but she was past caring. She wasn't going to give up what she had with Dave just because nobody approved. It wasn't as if there was anyone else that understood her, so screw everyone else. The only person who hadn't given her grief yet was Brittany, so she wasn't surprised when she saw Brittany tentatively walking up to her.

"Hey," she said awkwardly.

Santana shut her locker and looked at Brittany, her first thought being that she looked gorgeous today.

"What do you want?"

"Are you really going out with Karofsky now?" Brittany asked.

Santana rolled her eyes. "Wasn't this already covered in Glee Club earlier?"

"But I don't get it," said Brittany, sounding confused. "He's so mean to all of us, and he made Kurt go to a different school. I mean, it's a school full of pretty guys in uniform, but still."

"What's your point?" Santana huffed.

"I just want to know why you're doing this," said Brittany quietly. "Is it because of me?"

"Not everything is about you, Brittany," Santana frowned. "I just needed a change. Sam was a bit too girly and emotional for my liking. I need a _real_ man."

Brittany looked sadly at the ground. "It's because I can't break up with Artie, isn't it?

Santana glared at her. "I already told you, this isn't about you. I'm totally over you."

"You're over me?" Brittany whispered.

"Yes, over you. You were clearly just a phase. Have fun being all loved up with your perfect cripple boyfriend, because I'm done."

She turned to walk away, but Brittany took hold of her arm to stop her.

"Santana, wait..."

"What?"

"I... I love you."

"Don't."

"But I do..."

"Shut up, Brittany. Just... stop it."

"I just don't want you to get hurt."

"Oh, please..."

"I mean it. I really love you, Santana..."

"Stop saying that."

"...and Dave isn't right for you. He's mean and he's a bully and he'll never love you like I do."

"Stop it, Brittany."

"But it's true."

"Look, it's too little too late. You had your chance and you chose your half a boyfriend instead. So do me a favour and just leave me alone."

She shook off Brittany's hand and stormed away, holding back tears with all her might. As she walked as far away from Brittany as possible, she got out her phone and sent a text to Dave.

_Meet me under the bleachers NOW. I need you. _

Dave made his excuses to Azimio and the guys and rushed off to meet Santana. When he got under the bleachers he saw her standing with her back to him, hugging herself.

"Santana?"

She turned around and he saw that her face was streaked with tears. He walked up to her and wrapped his arms around her without a word, and she immediately burst into tears, burying her face in his chest. He held her tightly and let her cry it out. He didn't say anything until he was sure she was done crying.

"What happened?" he asked quietly.

"It's Brittany," she said, still sounding choked up. "She's like, worrying about me and stuff. Because of you and me. And she asked if I was only with you because she wouldn't break up with stupid Artie, which is kind of true but obviously I couldn't say that. So I had to push her away again and... and she was saying that she loves me and she doesn't want me to get hurt and stuff. But just hearing her say that was painful and I couldn't even tell her that. I didn't want to push her away but... but I had to. She said that... you'd never love me like she does. It just hurt so much..."

She started to sob quietly again and Dave kissed the top of her head.

"I know," he said gently. "It's okay. You can't blame her for worrying. And you're lucky. At least you know she actually loves you too."

"But what's the point?" she said. "What's the point of knowing she loves me when I can't even have her?"

Dave sighed. "Kind of wish I had an answer to that."

Santana looked up at him and wiped the tears off her face. "It doesn't matter. I'm just really glad you're here."

Dave smiled. "Well what kind of fake boyfriend would I be if I wasn't here for my fake girlfriend?"

They both laughed kind of sadly.

"You're actually a really great fake boyfriend," she said. "You're going to make some guy really happy one day."

He chuckled, blushing a little. "Thanks. I'm sure Brittany's going to come to her senses soon and realise you guys are made for each other. She's kind of slow, so it might take a while, but she'll see the light eventually. Even if it means you can't be my fake girlfriend anymore. But at least you'll be happy."

Santana grinned and wrapped her arms around Dave's neck, kissing him on the cheek.

"You're so sweet, Davey-bear," she said.

"Don't call me that. You're ruining the moment."

They both laughed.

"You do realise that were going to have to make out a little at my house later, right?" said Santana.

Dave's eyebrows rose."Erm... why?"

"I need the gratification to restore a little of my will to live," she said. "If it makes you feel better, you could imagine your making out with a guy."

"Who? Although if you say Kurt, I will seriously break up with you."

She laughed. "Pick a random celebrity. What's your type?"

"I don't know," he shrugged. "I don't really like guys with lots of muscles and stuff. I like guys that are sort of... pretty. If that makes any sense."

"How about... Jake Gyllenhaal?"

"I approve. Who are you going to be imaging?"

"The usual. Jessica Alba, maybe a little Beyonce."

"Nice."

They chuckled and kissed each other, before walking out from under the bleachers hand in hand.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed, Humble Readers.  
It's wrong how much I'm making myself ship this pretend relationship :P  
Anyway, reviews would be nice.

xxx


	3. Chapter 3

This is totally my friendship OTP now. I only have myself to blame.

Anyway, reviews would be peachy.

And I still own nothing. Except like, all the DVDs and soundtracks and stuff. But that doesn't count.

* * *

**The McKinley High Closet Case Alliance Part Three**

Dave and Santana had been pretending to be an item for about two weeks, and the whole school was still talking about just how weird it all was. While Santana continued to get grief from the Glee Club about it, Dave got nothing more than high fives and the occasional snarky comment from the other jocks. He was pretty sure they were just glad he'd finally gotten himself a girlfriend, even if she was in the Glee Club. She was hot and notoriously easy, so the fact that she was technically a loser was kind of cancelled out in their eyes.

It was Friday night and Dave and Santana had gone out to dinner at Breadstix. To any casual observer it just looked like they were on a date, but really Dave had taken Santana out to cheer her up. She was still sad about all the drama she was having with Brittany and the fact that everyone in Glee Club hated her guts now. Dave may not have liked her in that way, but he cared about her a lot and didn't like seeing her upset. Santana was the best friend he'd ever had.

They sat down opposite each other at a table, and Santana took off her jacket to reveal a low-cut, form-fitting black dress. A guy on a nearby table almost choked on his drink.

"Why are you all dressed up?" asked Dave.

"Just trying to make myself feel better," she shrugged. "Even though I know all this jaw-dropping cleavage is totally wasted on you."

Dave chuckled. "Yeah... but you do look really hot."

"Thanks, Davey-bear," she said with a smile.

He shook his head and picked up a menu. He was tired of telling her not to call him that. They order their food – Dave was paying, of course – and talked about nothing in particular for a while. As Santana happily ate a breadstick, Dave eyes suddenly widen as he stared over her shoulder towards the entrance.

"Shit!" he said in horror.

"What?" said Santana. "What's wrong?"

"Kurt just walked in," he said. "With that Blaine guy."

"Oh..."

Santana turned to see Kurt and Blaine in their Dalton uniforms, sitting down at a table that was directly in Dave's eye line. Kurt sat with his back to the entrance, so Dave couldn't help but look at him.

"We don't have to stay here if you don't want to," said Santana.

"No," said Dave, his eyes still on Kurt. "We've already ordered."

"Well do you want to swap places?" she asked. "You know, so you don't have to look right at him."

Dave shook his head. He wished he could look away, but Kurt was just so damn beautiful. It had been so long since Dave had seen him that he'd almost forgotten. He tried to ignore the fact that Kurt was there with that perfect Blaine guy.

"You're just going to upset yourself," Santana said, sounding worried. "Stop watching them."

He shook his head to snap out of it and looked at Santana, who reached over and took hold of his hand. If he was a regular guy, Dave would have been totally over the moon that this smoking hot ex-cheerleader was with him, holding his hand. But instead he just felt kind of sad. She was looking at him with so much care and understanding in her eyes. She knew exactly how painful it was to see the one you love with someone else. She had to go through it every day at school.

"Why did they have to be here?" he asked quietly. "Why now? Why tonight?"

Santana sighed sadly and squeezed his hand. "Because life's a bitch."

The waitress turned up with their food, but Dave didn't really feel like eating anymore. He couldn't help but look over at Kurt now and again. They way Kurt looked at that stupid, perfect Blaine guy with so much love and affection, the way they talked and laughed and held hands across the table and looked into each other's eyes – it was heartbreaking. Dave didn't know whether he wanted to burst into tears or find something heavy to chuck at Blaine's head.

"Stop staring, Dave," said Santana.

"I can't help it," he said. "He looks so happy. I don't think I've ever seen him that happy before."

"I wish I could think of something to say that would cheer you up," she said. "If it's any consolation, I know _exactly_ what you're going through. Like, painfully so."

"I know you do."

Santana smirked. "I bet you just want to throw Blaine through a window right now, huh?"

Dave laughed in spite of himself. "Yeah, kind of. I mean, I shouldn't. He hasn't really done anything wrong. He's just... better than me."

"Bullshit," she scoffed. "You're awesome, Dave. He's just, you know... out of the closet and stuff. Also, he's totally hot."

"Thank you for that, Santana."

"I'm just saying. If he wasn't all about the buttsex, I'd totally tap that."

"Oh my God..."

"Oh come on, like you wouldn't want a piece of that ass either."

"You're ridiculous."

"And yet you love me so much."

"That's debatable."

Dave was starting to feel a little better. There was something about bickering with Santana that made him smile. But his smile quickly faded when, for a split second, Kurt caught his eye. Kurt's cheeks flushed pink, and he looked somewhere between afraid and angry as his eyes looked disapprovingly between Dave and Santana. Dave quickly looked away. He could feel his face getting hotter.

"Oh God, he just saw me," he whispered. "He knows him here and he looks so pissed..."

"Maybe he's jealous," Santana offered.

"Oh yeah, obviously," he said sarcastically.

"At least he hasn't stormed out in disgust or anything," she said.

Dave looked down at his food, trying to eat even though he'd completely lost his appetite.

"I'm going to the bathroom," said Santana, standing up. "Please don't spend all the time I'm gone staring at them."

Dave nodded but didn't say anything before Santana made her way to the ladies' room. As she stood at the sink fixing her make-up, Kurt suddenly walked in and stood beside her, checking his hair in the mirror before looking at her in the reflection.

"Hey, Kurt," Santana said.

"Hey," he replied, looking haughty.

"You do know this is ladies' bathroom, right?" she said, smirking.

"It's cleaner in here than in the men's room," he said with a shrug.

After a slightly uncomfortable silence, Santana said casually "So I saw you with Blaine. Heard you guys are finally dating now. You make a cute couple."

"Yes. Yes, we do," he said without smiling. "I saw you with _Karofsky._ Finn, Mercedes and Rachel have all told me at length that the two of you are, and I quote, 'fooling around' now. Care to explain how the hell that happened?"

Santana frowned a little bit. She actually felt kind of guilty, but she wasn't sure why.

"It's not what you think, trust me," she said quietly.

"Then what is it then?" he said, turned to face he with his arms folded. "Why in the name of a God I can't imagine exists would you want to go anywhere near him? Have you forgotten everything he's done? Have you forgotten the way he treats everyone in Glee, and the way that he tortured me and threatened my life until I had to transfer to another school just to feel safe?"

She turned to face Kurt too, but couldn't quite look him in the eye. "Of course I haven't forgotten all of that. But like I said, it's not what you think. Me and Dave aren't dating. We're not even fooling around. We're just friends."

"So why is everyone saying you're an item?" Kurt asked, looking extremely pissed off.

"That's just what we want everyone to think," she said, feeling exasperated.

"Why?"

"Look," she finally said, giving up. "You better not tell anybody this if you value your balls, but I'm Dave's beard. In fact, we're each other's beard. We understand each other, and haters gonna hate but we're friends now and nothing you or anybody else says is going to change that."

Kurt looked a little shell-shocked. "Wait, you're... _each other's_ beard?"

"It's a long story that I'd rather not get into right now."

"So you know that Karofsky's gay? You know that he kissed me and everything?"

"Yes, I do. Oh, and by the way – and Dave would totally screw if he knew I told you this – but he's been beating himself up ever since you walked in here. It'll be a miracle if your BF is in one piece when we get back."

Kurt just rolled his eyes. "He has no right to be bitter. Even if Blaine and I weren't together, he still wouldn't have a shot with me. Bullying closet case assholes may do it for you, but that's really not my type."

"You don't get it, do you? Dave's totally in love with you, he has been for years, it just scares him. All that bullying crap was just a defence mechanism. He was trying to make himself normal, and now he's just trying to make up for it all. He's actually quite a nice guy, and you can't blame him for being jealous of Blaine. Blaine is like, everything that he's not, everything that he wishes he could have been from the start. A perfectly justified reason to hate someone's guts if ever I heard one."

Kurt looked a little uncomfortable. "I don't really know what you want from me here."

"I just want you to give us a break, okay? This thing with me and Dave is complicated, but it's not a bad thing. I'm just trying to help him and be a nice person for a change, and so far all I've gotten is hate for it. Okay, so I'm just his fake girlfriend, but I'm still his friend."

"Fine," Kurt sighed. "I'll lay off you guys. I still think it's kind of weird though."

"Yeah, you and the rest of the world," said Santana. "Nothing I said leaves this room, okay?"

"Yeah, okay," Kurt looked at her thoughtfully. "It's weird seeing you care about another human being's feelings."

"I know right."

"So are you going to tell me why he's your beard now?"

"Of course not, Lady Face. Let's not get ahead of ourselves."

Santana and Kurt left the bathroom together and sat back down with their respective dates.

"What took you so long?" asked Dave.

"I was just talking to Kurt," she said. "I totally defended your ass. You are so buying me dessert as a thank you."

Dave smiled, looking kind of confused. "What did you say?"

"That's for me to know," Santana smirked. "Let's just say there's one less person in the world hating on our fake relationship."

Dave wasn't sure what to say to that. He looked over at Kurt again and caught his eye. Instead of looking angry or scared, Kurt just smiled kind of sadly at him before continuing his conversation with Blaine. Dave still didn't really get what had happened, but he bought Santana the most expensive dessert on the menu.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed, Humble Readers :)  
Reviews are very much equal to love. Not that I'm forcing you or anything...

xxx


	4. Chapter 4

Just so you all know, I wrote this before I watched Born This Way.  
I swear, Ryan Murphy has got to stop stealing my idea. Or the least he could do is give me some credit. Or make me one of the writers and be done with it.

Anyway, I still don't even know how this fic will end. Don't ask me, I'll be the last to know.

Reviews would be lovely :)

And, even though my ideas keep popping up in the show, I don't actually own Glee.

* * *

**The McKinley High Closet Case Alliance Part Four**

Santana's parents were out of town, so she's invited Dave over for a sleepover. She didn't feel like she ever had to make an effort around him, so she didn't mind him seeing her in her tracksuit and with no make-up on. They snuggled up on her double bed, eating popcorn in front of the TV and insulting people on _American Idol_. Santana loved cuddling up with Dave. She would never admit it out loud because it sounded so sickeningly mushy, but it sort of felt like being held by a big teddy bear. She felt so safe with him. She was currently sitting in between his legs with her back resting against his broad chest, passing him popcorn over her shoulder.

"Why the hell did they let _her_ through to the next round?" she said, rolling her eyes at the TV. "I could sing better than her scrawny ass."

"Dying animals could sing better than her scrawny ass," said Dave. "I think it's just because she's blonde and pretty. You know, _marketable_. They could just autotune her voice and squeeze her into something skimpy to distract from how much she sucks."

"True. At least she's better than that weirdo lady from Texas," she laughed. "Now _that_ was funny."

Dave chuckled. "Oh God, that was painful. Whoever told her she could sing is an evil genius."

"Ooh, this next guy is going to be _awful,_" she said happily, passing a handful of popcorn over her shoulder and into Dave's mouth. "I can just tell. He looks so punchable."

"He looks like he should be in the Backstreet Boys. And you're right, he is super punchable."

"I know right. It's like hello, 1993 called and they want their look back."

"And now he's butchering a Maroon 5 song. Dude, what did this song ever do to you?"

"I could easily kick this guy in the crotch for like, hours and never get bored."

"It kind of sounds like he's already getting kicked in the crotch."

They were both laughing so hard that they could hardly breathe and, once the show was over, they both agreed that they would make excellent _American Idol_ judges – they'd almost certainly make people cry. Once they'd gotten bored of TV and had run out of popcorn, Santana and Dave simply lay together on the bed and talked. They'd wrapped their arms around each other without even realising. For Santana, it was the first time she'd ever been this close to someone in her bed that she had no intention of having sex with. For Dave, it was the first time he'd ever been this close to someone period.

"This is nice," he sighed.  
"Yeah," said Santana, holding him a little tighter. "Definitely the best snuggle I've ever had."

Dave chuckled, twisting her dark hair around his fingers. "You're just saying that."

"By the way," she said. "I heard Kurt might be coming back to McKinley."

"Wait – what?" Dave exclaimed.

"Yeah," she said casually. "I overheard Mercedes and Rachel talking about it. Apparently he misses us."

Dave sighed, suddenly feeling exhausted. "I'm not sure how I feel about this..."

Santana shifted against Dave's chest, resting her head on her arms so she could look at him.

"This is your chance, Dave," she said. "It's not enough for me to tell Kurt and everyone else that you're actually quite a nice guy. You have to prove it."

"How?" he said negatively. "Everyone hates me, especially Kurt. Nothing I do is going to change that."

"Yes, it will," she insisted. "Look at when you performed in the halftime show with the Glee Club. Once you took that stick out of your ass and actually joined in with us, you were awesome. We all kind of liked you then because we saw a different side to you. The _real _you. Of course, then you went back on yourself and continued being an asshole, but for a week at least you were actually likeable. I'm not saying that you have to declare your undying love for Kurt in song in front of the whole school. But you could, I don't know, maybe just not immediately slushie him and call him a fag when he comes back to McKinley."

Dave sighed again. "You make a good point."

"I know I do," said Santana. "That's because I'm right."

Dave chuckled in spite of himself. "You know, you're surprisingly good at this whole advice thing."

"I know right," she said. "I find it kind of weird too."

They lay together in a comfortable silence for a while, before Santana sat up and kissed Dave on the lips. He kissed her back, running his fingers through her hair. Once they separated they both smiled at each other.

"Why is it that we always end up making out when it does nothing for either of us?" Dave asked.

Santana shrugged. "I don't know. Just comforting, I guess."

Dave couldn't help but agree. It felt nice to kiss her, even though he was very aware that she was a girl and that was sort of off-putting. It was more like... platonic making out.

At school, Dave kept on expecting to bump into Kurt at every corner, and it was stressing him out. As he walked down the hall with Azimio he noticed – probably for the first time ever – how people recoiled away from them as they saw them coming. They didn't look him in the eye. They shrank away into their lockers, hoping not to be noticed, or quickly changed direction, curling into themselves as if they were anticipating a punch or a slushie. It was only Cheerios and other jocks that weren't afraid of him. It was kind of heartbreaking. Dave didn't want this. He didn't want to be feared. He wanted to be liked. He wanted to be liked for being himself.

"Hello, boys."

Santana strutted between then, hooking her arm around Dave's and gently shoving Azimio out of the way. She was wearing a tight, short skirt, a form-fitting top that showed a lot of cleavage and high heeled, fur trimmed boots. She looked smoking hot, and Azimio couldn't help but stare, even though he was trying to be annoyed at her. Dave just smirked.

"Can we help you, Glee freak?" he said, looking her up and down.

"Hey, don't talk to my girlfriend like that, dude," said Dave.

Santana just smiled sweetly. "Azimio, would you mind giving Dave and I some privacy? I mean, it's bad enough you existing when no one wants you without you being a total cockblock at the same time."

Azimio just huffed. "Karofsky, you do realise your girlfriend is total bitch, right?"

"She just honest," Dave said defensively. "And she a million times hotter than any girl you've ever dated."

Santana nodded cockily. "That's right. Now be gone, Tubby, a-fores I endz you. This manicure is eye-gouge sharp."

Azimio just shook his head and left, grumbling under his breath. Dave and Santana slowed down to a comfortable stroll, hand in hand.

"So have you seen Kurt yet?" she asked. "He's back today, you know."

"I haven't actually," said Dave. "Thank God. I mean, what am I supposed to say to him?"

"Apologising would be a good start," said Santana. "Come on."

She began to lead him down a different hallway, right towards the choir room.

"Wait," said Dave nervously. "Are you taking me to Glee Club?"

"This is perfect," she insisted. "Everyone should be there by now. You can say sorry to Kurt and then maybe the rest of those guys can stop hating on me once they see how nice you really are."

"I don't know..."

"Dave," Santana said seriously, stopping in front of him. "This is it. This is your chance to make things right. I'm not saying that everything will suddenly be perfect and we'll all be BFFs or whatever, but it's a start. You can't put this off. Look at me and Brittany. I put off coming clean to her for so long that I was too late and it all ended terribly. You have to just say it. Apologise and show him how much you care and how much you wish you could change things, and it'll be the first step towards being the nice, sweet, caring guy that so far only I know you really are."

Dave looked at her – all the determination in her face – and he smiled. "Okay. For you."

"Don't do it for me. Do it for _you._"

He nodded, and she smiled and hugged him quickly, before continuing to drag him off to the choir room. Once they got there the first person that Dave saw was Kurt. He was wearing black skinny jeans and a coat that kind of looked like a straitjacket, and had beautiful smile on his face as he talked to his friends. He was the only one in the room that didn't look completely horrified when Santana pulled Dave into the room. Just extremely confused.

"Erm, what's going on?" asked Mr. Schuester.

"Sorry I'm late, Mr. Schue," said Santana casually. "But Dave has something that he'd like to say to Kurt."

She looked around the room and saw that everyone – especially Finn, Mercedes, Puck and Rachel – looked furious, at both Dave and the fact that she was holding his hand. But luckily Kurt didn't look angry at all.

"What is it?" he asked.

Dave was blushing furiously, trying his best not to look anybody in the eye. Finn and Puckerman looked like they wanted to punch him in the face just for daring talk to Kurt.

"I, erm..." he mumbled. "I know that, er... that this doesn't really change anything and I totally get it if you like, hate me forever still but..." He looked up, right into Kurt's gorgeous blueish-greenish eyes. "I'm... sorry."

The room was deafeningly silent.

"Really?" said Kurt quietly.

Dave nodded. "I mean... I know that just saying sorry isn't going to make up for everything I did to you. I know that. But I only did all that stuff because I was scared and confused about... about stuff. But I really am sorry for everything. It was totally awful and I get it if you can't forgive me..."

"No," said Kurt. "I can't forgive you. But... it's okay. I mean, you did threaten to kill me..."

"I didn't mean it."

"...and you did make me transfer to a different school..."

"I'm so sorry about that."

"...but it's okay, really. I... I get it. I can't really forgive right now, of course, but I understand. Santana explained a lot of things to me. You may not be getting forgiveness just yet, but I do accept your apology, Karofsky. And who knows? Maybe in the future I'll be able to actually forgive you. Puck used to throw me in the dumpster every morning for like, a year and now we're friends, so anything is possible."

He smiled, and Dave couldn't help but smile too. He felt Santana squeeze his hand. The rest of the Glee Club looked sort of baffled and uncomfortable, like they weren't sure how to react to everything that had just happened.

"Well, that was all we needed to hear," said Santana happily, turning to face Dave. "You can go now so we can all talk about you."

She went up on her tip-toes to kiss him on the cheek, before Dave slowly made his way out of the choir room, looking over his shoulder at Santana and Kurt every now and again. He couldn't quite believe that he'd just said all of that. He wasn't expecting Kurt to forgive him, but he certainly wasn't expecting Kurt to be so cool about it, and he knew that it wouldn't have been possible without Santana on his side.

Santana sat down in what was now her usual seat in the choir room, far away from everyone else, as the room practically exploded with talk and Mr. Schuester failed to get anyone to pay attention again. She was feeling quietly pleased with herself. Getting Dave to apologise and talking him up to Kurt was probably the nicest thing she'd ever done for another person, and it felt surprisingly good. Suddenly Kurt moved to sit next to her.

"That was a really great thing you did, Santana," he said.

"Yeah, well Dave always kept going on about how he wished he could make things right with you," she said. "I just gave him a little shove in the right direction. I totally get why you can't forgive him, by the way. But thanks for being so nice about it. I know it meant a lot him."

Kurt smiled. "Well I could tell that he meant what he was saying. He probably never would have said it if you didn't drag him here though."

"What can I say?" she shrugged. "I'm an excellent fake girlfriend."

"So are you going to tell me why he's _your_ beard now?"

"Of course not."

Kurt chuckled, and spent the rest of rehearsal by her side, talking and joking with her. It felt good to know that she had at least one friend in Glee Club now.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed, Humble Readers.  
Reviews are still very much equal to love :)

xxx


	5. Chapter 5

I think this is going to be the last chapter.  
Since this all takes place at Prom - or, my version of Prom - and it's pretty conclusive and stuff, so... yeah.  
The end.

Reviews would be lovely :)

And, although I apparently have some kind of magical power where I can predict future story lines, I don't actually own Glee.

* * *

**The McKinley High Closet Case Alliance Part Five**

It was Prom night, and Dave and Santana walked hand in hand into the decorated school Gym after a cramped limo ride with Azimio, a bunch of other jocks and their excitable dates, mainly Cheerios. Although they'd come together as a couple, they both immediately scanned the crowd until they found the people that they wished they could be there with. The Glee Club were all sitting around the same table, so it wasn't difficult. Santana couldn't help but sigh when she saw Brittany, who was wearing a short hot pink dress with her hair left out so she kind of looked like a Barbie doll, and was happily talking to Artie. Dave couldn't help but frown a little when he saw Kurt, who was dressed just as wonderfully weird as ever – it kind of looked like he was wearing a skirt – and was laughing with Blaine.

"I have a feeling this is going to be one depressing Prom," said Santana as they stood at the punch bowl.

"Well at least you look really hot tonight," said Dave with sad smile.

Santana nodded. "That's true, I really do look awesome. I better be careful not to stain this dress though. I kept the tags on so I can take it back tomorrow."

They both chuckled, taking hold of each other's hands again.

"You look great in a tux, by the way, Davey-bear," she said with a smirk.

Dave rolled his eyes and smiled. "Thanks."

They managed to get through most of Prom without much drama, but it was mainly the fact that they were with each other that got them through it all. Every now and again Santana couldn't help but look over at Brittany and Artie, and Dave couldn't help but look over at Kurt and Blaine, but they had each other there as a nice distraction from all the pining.

They applauded politely with everyone else once the Prom King and Queen was announced ("Quinn and Finn, wow, what a surprise." "I know right. This school is so predictable."), and sat down at an empty table to watch everyone slow dance. They didn't really feel like dancing themselves. Dave watched as Kurt and Blaine slow danced together, holding each other close. Blaine was mouthing the words to the love song playing as they stared into each other's eyes and smiled. Santana watched as Brittany sat on Artie's lap and he slowly revolved his chair around in time to the music. For a second Santana caught Brittany's eye over Artie's shoulder, and the mutual longing and regret that pasted between them was just too much to take.

"I can't do this anymore," Santana suddenly said, before standing up and rushing out of the room.

"Santana, wait!"

Dave chased after her until he managed to stop her in a deserted hallway. When he caught up with her and turned her around her face was streaked with tears.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked.

"I can't... I can't do it," she sobbed. "I can't sit in there and... and watch her with _him_... when I know... that she should be with me. I... I should be the one dancing with her in there... not him. He'll _never_ love her like I do... _no one_ will ever love her like I do..."

As Dave wrapped his arms around her, a soft voice from behind them said "Really?"

They turned around, startled, and Santana's breath caught in her throat when she saw Brittany a few feet from them.

"You really love me?" she said quietly, taking a few steps towards them.

Santana didn't say anything. She just tried to wipe the tears off her face. She was sure her make-up was ruined.

"You said you were over me," said Brittany. "You said I was just a phase and that now you're dating Karofsky."

"Actually we're just friends," said Dave, ignoring the look that Santana gave him.

"I... I don't get it," said Brittany.

"Just forget it, Britt," said Santana, shaking her head. "Go back to your boyfriend, I'm sure he's wondering where you are."

"I can't," said Brittany. "I can't go back in there, not without you. I couldn't break up with Artie because I didn't want to hurt him, but hurting you is so much worse."

A single tear rolled down Brittany's cheek, and Santana had to use a lot to willpower not to start crying again. Dave stood to one side, not wanting to get in the way.

"Come back inside with me, Santana," said Brittany. "Dance with me."

Santana wiped away some fresh tears. "I don't know if I can. I mean... in front of everyone."

"It doesn't matter," Brittany insisted, taking hold of both of Santana's hands. "Who cares what everyone thinks? Let them all say what they want. I just want to slow dance at my Prom with the girl I love."

Santana smiled, not even bothering to wipe away her tears now. "What about Artie?"

Brittany frowned. "I do really care about him. But I love you more. He'll understand."

She reached up and brushed the tears off Santana's cheek, and Santana leaned into her touch.

"So will you dance with me now?" she asked. "And maybe... be my girlfriend?"

Santana didn't know what to say. She was too emotional to speak, so all she could do was nod. Brittany grinned and pulled her into a tight hug.

"You don't mind if I steal your date, do you, Karofsky?" she said over Santana's shoulder.

Dave shook his head, smiling. "I don't mind at all. I'm really happy for you guys."

Santana let go of Brittany and went over to Dave, kissing him on her cheek.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"Don't mention it," he said with a smile.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine! Go dance with your girlfriend."

They grinned at each other before making their way back inside, Dave hanging back a little as Santana and Brittany held each other's pinky fingers. A different slow song was playing now, and Brittany lead Santana to the middle of the dance floor, wrapping her arms around her and holding her close. Santana had never felt so happy. She smiled as she stared into Brittany's eyes, ignoring everything else around her. She was sure that people were looking at them, but she didn't care. She didn't care about anything but Brittany – anything but her girlfriend.

"You look so beautiful tonight," Brittany whispered. "I love you so much."

"I love you too."

And then they were kissing, right there in the middle of the dance floor, in front of everyone. And Santana didn't even care. Let them think whatever they want. Let them do their worst. She finally had her Brittany, her beautiful, perfect, wonderfully simple Brittany. That was all that mattered.

Dave sat by himself at a table, smiling sadly as he watched Santana slow dance with Brittany, kissing her right there in front of everyone. He was so happy that she was finally happy. He knew that Santana wanted this more than anything, and he was glad that she was finally being brave. And if anyone gave Santana any grief after tonight he'd be right by her side to stick up for her. He may not be her fake boyfriend anymore, but she was still his best friend.

"Hey."

Dave looked up to see Kurt standing next to him.

"Hi," he said awkwardly.

"So I see you don't have a date anymore," said Kurt with a smirk.

"Yeah," Dave said, smiling.

"Well you can't spend your entire Junior Prom sitting here by yourself," said Kurt. "Would you like to dance?"

Dave raised his eyebrows. "Seriously?"

"Yeah," said Kurt, smiling. "Come on, David, don't act like you don't want to."

Dave blushed a little bit. It was true, he did want to. But he wasn't sure if he could. Not in front of all these people.

"What about your boyfriend?" he said, trying not to sound too bitter. "Won't he be pissed that you're asking another guy to dance?"

"Are you kidding?" Kurt scoffed. "It's was Blaine's idea. So are you going to dance with me or not?"

Dave laughed in spite of himself. He looked over at Santana, who was still slow dancing with Brittany and kissing her happily. If she could do it, he could do it too.

"Sure," he said, standing up. "Okay."

Kurt smiled, and they made their way to the dance floor. Dave noticed to that Blaine was dancing with Mercedes, and smiled when he saw him and Kurt together. This was so weird, but in a good way. Dave awkwardly rested his hands on Kurt's hips as Kurt wrapped his arms around his neck. There was a reasonable amount of space between them, but Dave was still nervous as hell being this close to Kurt. He never thought in a million years that he's get to slow dance at his Prom with a guy – with _Kurt,_ even if it wasn't strictly romantic. He tried his best not to think about what people might say or what everyone around them was thinking as the saw him slow dancing with another guy. He was going to be brave about this. Brave like Santana.

"Can I ask you something?" he said.

"What?" Kurt said.

"Why are you wearing a skirt?"

Kurt rolled his eyes. "It's not a skirt, it's a kilt. It's my homage to the late Alexander McQueen."

"You know I have no idea who that is, right?"

Kurt just shook his head. "So now that you're not Santana's fake boyfriend anymore, what are you going to do?"

Dave shrugged. "I don't know."

"Well Santana's come out," said Kurt. "Maybe you should too. You can't stay in the closet the rest of your life."

"Yeah, I guess," Dave sighed. "And everyone's going to think I'm gay anyway, since I'm slow dancing with a guy."

"Exactly," said Kurt happily. "You know, me and Blaine are happy to help. We're totally here to support you. And there are an awful lot of cute gay guys at Dalton, maybe Blaine could set you up with someone. The four of us could double date."

Dave just chuckled, holding Kurt a little tighter without even realising. He looked over Kurt's shoulder and caught Santana's eye. Brittany's head was resting on her shoulder, and she arched an eyebrow and smirked when she saw Dave dancing with Kurt. Neither was sure what would happen after tonight, but they'd never been happier. This Prom wasn't so depressing after all.

* * *

So that's it. Hope you enjoyed, Humble Readers.  
If you did, feel free to tell me in review format :)

xxx


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